Ego
I am a champion. I have mastered my own obsession with competition. I have come to an undertanding with my own brain that this whole fencing thing is fun first, and glory second.
Let me back up and explain for those of you who are lost. I am a highly competitive person. I have always been that way. I've always spent more time worrying about what I've accomplished and who I impressed, than enjoying what I was doing for recreation in the first place. This all started long before fencing. When I was in middle school, I became a musician. I was fairly successful at it, until college, when I realized that was majoring in something that was much more fun as a hobby than a career. I had forgotten why I liked to study music in the first place.
Fast forward to fencing. For the first year or so, I ate, slept, breathed fencing. I practiced so much that I got burnt out. Fast. When I got pregnant, it gave me a perfect excuse to take some time off without the risk of dissappointing myself or anyone else for that matter. Unfortunately, when I came back to fencing, it was with a vengeance. I suddenly had something to prove to everyone. I could come back and be good after the baby. Unfortunately, most of the parents out there know that having a child is a lot more complicated than 9 months and some labor. So, I put far too much pressure on myself and became depressed, dissappointed, and even angry at my lack of results.
Now, having gotten everyone up to speed, let's talk about my weekend. I went to the epee tournament in Atlanta. I had a fantastic time. I got my @ss kicked thouroughly, but I had a fantastic time. I met some new people and saw some old friends. Got to cheer one of my teammates unexpectedly into the finals.
But to the point......It always surprises me how many people I meet in fencing who have egos the size of Hurricane Katrina. But the thing that surprises me more is that the people who have the consistant results to justify a massive ego, are the people who are friendly, humble, and helpful to everyone around them.....even people with as little success as me. It always seems to be the people who maybe have a few good results, or none at all, who think that their sh!t doesn't stink. These are the people who brag about small victories over a little girl who started 2 months ago, or try to impress everyone with their speed and agility against a 9 year old. The people who's egos and arrogance are bigger than their trophy cabinets will ever be. The people who've forgotten why they started fencing in the first place.
So, I am a champion. I've learned to stop concentrating on the big picture and look at the little victories. For instance, I got three points on a B-rated girl in my pool. My teammate who made the finals told me how much my observations and adviced helped him. In my DE, I was losing 14-2, and between touches I said, "I've got you right where I want you now", to my opponent, and everyone couldn't help but laugh with me. It's about the pretty touches I do make sometimes, and the great people I meet at tournaments, and the memories we make when we travel in big groups. (I'm sure JJ and Fruity Phillip would agree ;))
I love fencing. No stupid, arrogant, egomaniacs will ever ruin that for me. The fact is, when I'm in my 40's and still competing in veteran events, win or lose, those same stupid, arrogant, egomaniacs will have burnt out and quit long ago. I'll be the first one in line, waving goodbye.
Let me back up and explain for those of you who are lost. I am a highly competitive person. I have always been that way. I've always spent more time worrying about what I've accomplished and who I impressed, than enjoying what I was doing for recreation in the first place. This all started long before fencing. When I was in middle school, I became a musician. I was fairly successful at it, until college, when I realized that was majoring in something that was much more fun as a hobby than a career. I had forgotten why I liked to study music in the first place.
Fast forward to fencing. For the first year or so, I ate, slept, breathed fencing. I practiced so much that I got burnt out. Fast. When I got pregnant, it gave me a perfect excuse to take some time off without the risk of dissappointing myself or anyone else for that matter. Unfortunately, when I came back to fencing, it was with a vengeance. I suddenly had something to prove to everyone. I could come back and be good after the baby. Unfortunately, most of the parents out there know that having a child is a lot more complicated than 9 months and some labor. So, I put far too much pressure on myself and became depressed, dissappointed, and even angry at my lack of results.
Now, having gotten everyone up to speed, let's talk about my weekend. I went to the epee tournament in Atlanta. I had a fantastic time. I got my @ss kicked thouroughly, but I had a fantastic time. I met some new people and saw some old friends. Got to cheer one of my teammates unexpectedly into the finals.
But to the point......It always surprises me how many people I meet in fencing who have egos the size of Hurricane Katrina. But the thing that surprises me more is that the people who have the consistant results to justify a massive ego, are the people who are friendly, humble, and helpful to everyone around them.....even people with as little success as me. It always seems to be the people who maybe have a few good results, or none at all, who think that their sh!t doesn't stink. These are the people who brag about small victories over a little girl who started 2 months ago, or try to impress everyone with their speed and agility against a 9 year old. The people who's egos and arrogance are bigger than their trophy cabinets will ever be. The people who've forgotten why they started fencing in the first place.
So, I am a champion. I've learned to stop concentrating on the big picture and look at the little victories. For instance, I got three points on a B-rated girl in my pool. My teammate who made the finals told me how much my observations and adviced helped him. In my DE, I was losing 14-2, and between touches I said, "I've got you right where I want you now", to my opponent, and everyone couldn't help but laugh with me. It's about the pretty touches I do make sometimes, and the great people I meet at tournaments, and the memories we make when we travel in big groups. (I'm sure JJ and Fruity Phillip would agree ;))
I love fencing. No stupid, arrogant, egomaniacs will ever ruin that for me. The fact is, when I'm in my 40's and still competing in veteran events, win or lose, those same stupid, arrogant, egomaniacs will have burnt out and quit long ago. I'll be the first one in line, waving goodbye.
posted by Karen @ 11:10
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